Fear of Falling
by Firetigeress
Summary: Ever wonder what was going through Domon's head as he fell down the chasm in volume 19? (obviously, there are going to be major spoilers for that volume)


Fear of Falling

Fear of Falling

Pain. 

That's the first thing that comes to my mind as I lie dangling over the ledge of the cliff, one hand gripping Yanagi's tightly. 

My arm trembles as I strain to keep a firm hold on the frail young girl below me. 

Strange, how much one's weight can increase when in a situation like this. Ordinarily, Yanagi would be nothing more than a featherweight. 

It must be the gravity. I remember hearing about it once in class, before that baka Recca got us involved in his life and death struggle to save Yanagi. I think sensei said gravity was what keeps things rooted to the ground, or something like that. I'm not too sure. I never paid much attention in class, really, since I was always plotting about ways on how to beat Hanabishi, or daydreaming about the day when Fuuko would finally return my love. 

It all seems so long ago, even though it's probably been less than a month or so. I've almost forgotten what it was like before we got caught up in the Urabutousatsujin and the quest for the Tendoujigoku.

Sometimes I wonder why I'm doing this. Why I'm risking life and limb just to help that pathetic ninja freak. If not for him, I would probably be leading an ordinary life – going to school, helping out in Okaa-san's flower shop, even picking fights. Perhaps… 

My thoughts are broken as I hear Hanabishi scrambling up the ledge. It must be hard, trying to climb and maintain a firm grip on my sweaty arm at the same time. Sometimes I wonder how he can find it in him to accomplish all the practically impossible things he does. But he manages. He always does. 

"Are… are you all right? Domon? Hime?" I hear him ask, grimacing as his clutch on my wrist slips slightly. 

"I'm… I'm fine," I reply, forcing my lips back into a cocky grin as sweat drips down my face. "Yanagi's just an ordinary girl. It's no trouble at all." 

"I'm fine too!" I hear Yanagi pipe up from below me. "Anyway, I like heights!" she laughs, trying to inject some levity into her voice. But I can hear the note of fear in it. 

So here the three of us are, hanging down the cliff side like puppets tied together on a string. How ironic. To think that we, the ones who had managed to survive the Urabutousatsujin, as well as two of us being the strongest fighters in that combat, ending our life because we fell victim to a trap. We're not even given the glory of dying in battle, fighting to save our friends. Instead, we are to be killed by falling from a cliff. If the fall doesn't kill us, surely the spikes at the bottom will impale us. Recca and Yanagi can't see them, Recca because he's too high up, and Yanagi because she's too terrified to look down. She was obviously lying when she said she wasn't afraid of heights, but of course we already knew that. Even though she's scared stiff, she's not going to cry and act all wimpy in front of us like she used to. The entire ordeal of being used as a stake in the Urabutousatsujin and seeing us battle against death has made her grow much, much stronger. Weak on the outside, but strong on the inside. That's Yanagi to a T. She's got guts, although she doesn't show it much, and for that I've always admired her. 

I, on the other hand, am the complete opposite of her. I'm always boasting about my strength, announcing loudly that I'll definitely win no matter what, but it's all a facade. I wonder if the others know that. The real Domon is an insecure weakling with no brains. Yes, I know what others call me behind my back. A brainless buffoon. A hard-headed, thick-skulled dolt. On the surface, I always seem to be oblivious to those insults, and push them to the back of my mind as I concentrate on the task of defeating my opponent. But when I'm alone, those barbs are always there to prick me till it feels like my heart is bleeding. And sometimes I can't help thinking that what they say is true. Maybe I really am an unintelligent life form. 

Again, my train of thoughts is interrupted. Above me, I can hear Recca conversing with the enemy who set the trap. He tells Recca to choose between me and Yanagi. I hear a whiz above me, then Recca screams in pain as a sharp knife is embedded into his shoulder, courtesy of the unknown enemy. 

"It hurts!" 

"Hanabishi!" I yell, panicking. "Are you all right?" The enemy's got us in an ideal situation. Anytime now, all of us could die, be it from the fall or by the Ura Uruha. The guy simply laughs and repeats his earlier question: Which of us will Recca choose? 

I do not hesitate. I know that Yanagi, his Hime, is more precious to him than life itself. Besides, he'd said so himself earlier, albeit a bit jokingly, that he would rather choose her than I. 

"Hanabishi! You'll choose Yanagi, right? Then let go of my hand!" I'll swing Yanagi up to him when he does. 

His answer is unexpected and takes me completely by surprise. 

"I don't take orders from anyone!" He replies, grinning smugly. "I'm not choosing between the two!" I am shocked by his decision, as his answer elicits the enemy to "reward" him with another knife in his flesh. Another scream. 

The Uruha trash snickers at what he calls Recca's stupidity, and threatens to kill him. It is too much for Yanagi to take. 

"Domon! It's all right to let me go! I'm so light that falling down won't kill me!" 

Again, I am taken aback. Am I really so important to my friends that neither agrees to let me go? Perhaps I'm not so worthless in their eyes after all. 

Inside, my heart soars. 

As I look up into Recca's face, twisted in pain, I finally get the answer to my earlier question, about why I had put my life at stake just to save Yanagi. Not only because I had wanted to become stronger, but also because of a much simpler reason: my friends. I realize now that it was only through them that I became stronger; I drew my power from their trust and belief in me. And now I know what decision to make.

I look up serenely at Hanabishi, my face set with determination. 

"It's up to you now, Hanabishi, Yanagi," I hear myself say. Their expressions on their faces are that of shock… maybe they have guessed what I am about to do? If it were any other situation, any other time and place, I would have laughed to see them like that. But not now. Now is the time where I have to be brave. Think about something other than death. I might even manage to survive if my plan works… 

Despite my nagging fears, I will not change my mind. I have to save my friends. 

" Kill that asshole for me! You two go ahead first!" My face twists as I shout out what might be my last words. 

I pull my wrist away from Recca's grip, throwing Yanagi upwards and into his arms. He grabs her close to himself for an instant, then raises his head to look at me as he screams something. 

But I hear nothing… all that comes to my ear is a slight buzz – one tinged with a faintly indiscernible edge of anguish. 

I have already begun to fall. 

And now to put my last plan into action, a gamble which may very well cost me my life. It might not even work for all I know… but I am definitely not willing to go out without a struggle. 

I catch a glimpse of Hanabishi's face. He looks so horrified I have the sudden urge to reassure him. Even if I might just be giving him false hope. 

Slowly, as his face grows smaller and smaller with each passing moment, I point to my forehead. A glowing symbol appears – Tetsugan. 

Hanabishi's face lights up as he grins in realization. I give a final wave, a silly grin plastered on my face. The already blurry outline of his face wavers, and gradually merges into shadows. It finally disappears, and I am plunged into oblivion.

hr 

_All alone. _

_I am__… all alone._

The wind whistles past me as I fall, cold fingers whipping my bare arms and legs, gripping me, trying to pull me down. Faster, faster, faster. 

Now that I am about to face death, everything seems much more frightening. I shiver slightly. 

I feel cold. 

Now that it is actually happening_, _that I am perhaps actually going to 

_die, lose your life, pass on to the next world, be nothing more than a cold corpse,_

the gravity of the situation hits me hard. 

Gravity? Did I just say "the gravity of the situation"? I let out a dry chuckle. Ironic, really, how I can still find the time to laugh at unintended puns. Maybe I'm going hysterical. That's be a first. I can just see the headlines now… "Domon Ishijima, Demon extraordinaire, cracks corny jokes and laughs at self while on the verge of death." 

_I'm scared. _

But aren't I always? Domon the coward. 

_Cowardy, cowardy-custard. _

That's true. Always the one to blow the most hot air, only to run away at the first sight of danger. 

_Like the fight with Noroi. _

Yes. Like the fight with Noroi. 

_Perhaps it would be better if you died. _

Perhaps it would be better if I died… 

My mind offers no resistance to the sharp words which threaten to slice my heart to pieces even before its physical counterpart suffers the same fate. I close my eyes, awaiting the time when I will be able to wash away all my fears and insecurities, and feel no more pain. 

I would feel no more pain because I would be dead. 

_Your__ friends wouldn't even weep to see your dead body. They care nothing for you. It is better to be dead… _

Yes. It is better to… 

**_No. _**

The unexpected entrance of a newer, stronger voice surprises my, and my eyes fly open in shock. 

**_No. _**

**_Your friends DO care for you. Why else would Recca have risked his life to tell the enemy that he would choose neither you nor Yanagi? He might have very well been killed because of his decision. _**

_**And we all know how much life is precious to every individual being…**_

Life is precious… 

I suddenly remember the times during the Urabutousatsujin,. During my fights… my friends would always look on nervously as I fought, afraid that I might perish under the hand of my opponent. And how Recca and Fuuko always had the utmost faith in me, refusing to let the others pull me out of any fight when it seemed I would lose, knowing that I would rather die than lose the match voluntarily. Perhaps they even believed – or knew – that I would win. 

And… how could I forget? After my fight with Noroi, after I had smashed the mask, I had looked up to see Fuuko with tears trickling down her face. Of course, she had immediately rubbed them off, but I knew that she had been crying, thinking that the Domon Ishijima that Team Hokage knew had been lost to them forever. Hanabishi, Kaoru and yanagi had seemed equally upset. Even Mikagami had not even been able to wipe off the look of anxiety on his face before I caught it. 

My friends… really do care for me after all. 

**_They do. They believe in you, as much as you believe in them. _**

**_So hold onto this belief. Hold onto their trust and belief in you. _**

**_Hold onto this mutual friendship… and live… _**

And live… 

I know what I'm going to do now. Hardening my resolve, I twist my body over slightly, so that my face is towards the bottom of the pit. And just in time, too. Before I can get impaled by the spike, my Tetsugan-powered body grabs the top it, arms placed around and hugging it. I begin to spiral round it downwards, smaller spikes tugging and ripping my clothes, tearing into my flesh. Once I get to the middle, I'll probably be able to snap the spike and get down. After that I'll be free to go on my way to look for everyone 

My gaze drifts towards the bottom. It is a long way down. 

**_Persevere. _**

Another spike cuts into my arm, and I wince slightly. Even with my iron-clad body it still hurts a little. 

But no matter. I have a job to do, and friends waiting for me. 

Watch out, Hanabishi, you asshole. 

Domon Ishijima the Demon's on his way back!

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[Go back to Raging Fire][1]

   [1]: http://www.geocities.com/firetigeress/FoR/FoR.html



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